Monday, 18 November 2013

Where are all the men?



Take a look at the Facebook pages featuring painted furniture and shabby chic* stuff. Notice anything?

What’s that? They’re all great and very talented? You’re not looking hard enough. Try again.

Yes, that’s right, the vast majority are run by women.

And it’s not just on Facebook either, pop into a shop, or search online for an interiors company. Women, women, women.

So what’s the deal? Why do more women than men seem to pick up a paintbrush and set about a piece of furniture? Or, perhaps more to the point, why do so few men do it?

It’s not like it’s a particularly unmacho thing to do. It’s pretty much like DIY. A bloke will spend hours in the shed, bashing stuff around, but paint a chest of drawers? Get lost.

Personally speaking, I find it boring. Not the business, or the product, or the idea of upcycling, but the actual process of painting a piece of furniture – it’s just so bloody dull. If you want to do a good job, you need a perfectionist mentality and patience by the bucketload. I have neither. Just ask Laura.

There are, or course, some exceptions – I’ve come across some very good male furniture painters, but they are definitely in the minority.

It seems the women have definitely got a stranglehold on this particular industry, but some just take it a little too far. I’m talking about ‘mumtrepreneurs’. Good god, just typing it makes me feel dirty.

These are the members of the cutesy, mumsy wishy-washy brigade, who want to exclude anyone who has so far failed to produce a tiny, screaming person from their innards.

Why make such a fuss about being a mum? It’s hardly an exclusive club. And you don’t see any movements founded by dads who also work.

It’s almost like they brandish the ‘mum’ badge to excuse their largely unspectacular work. Yes, their Disney rip-off beanbag looks like it was assembled by a thumbless lunatic in the dark, but it’s ok, hun, cos ur a gr8 mummy to ickle Wilson or Johnson or Fairie-Lil-Let-Tinkabell-Boo-Boo or whatever horrendous name you’ve saddled your poor offspring with.

I was recently tweeting Rutland-basedblogger Lisa Batty who, as far as I can discern from her name and her avatar, is a woman. She told me: “I run a beauty blog & was asked to contribute to another blog, I agreed but then they asked me to confirm I had kids, I said no and they then rejected me! But the article they wanted was about make-up.”

Mental.

I get that, traditionally, the world of business has been male-dominated and it has been a long, hard struggle to get to the stage where women are even considered for top roles at major organisations. I get all that. I’m all for equality. I’m a feminist, I guess.

But I fail to see how the mum squad are helping, with their discrimination of non-parents, making women without kids feel excluded and inadequate and basically telling all men they’re of no interest.

I’m a dad. Laura’s not a mum. We both look after my daughter. Where’s the Facebook group for us? We don’t want one, of course, because we want our work to be recognised on its own merits, not because we need to lean on a child-shaped crutch.

I’d love to hear your thoughts (unless you’ve given yourself a middle name on Facebook that’s something like ‘Mumsy2MasonandKyesha’. Then I couldn’t care less, obviously…). 

Am I missing something? Am I just being a bit of a dick? Or do you agree? Does the mum mentality hold women back?


*By the way, in the coming weeks I’ll be blogging about why I hate the term ‘shabby chic’, miserable old grouch that I am.

**DISCLAIMER** All my views are my own and not necessarily shared by Laura, who is the real brains (and beauty) behind Reloved Vintage

10 comments:

  1. I'm so fed up of being branded a 'mumtrepreneur'. Yes I have a child. Yes I run my own business. BUT NO the two are not connected! I can't help but feel that I would be taken a whole lot more seriously if I wasn't a Mum. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!
    And don't get me started on 'Shabby Chic'!

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  2. Hi Clarry! I'm glad you enjoyed the blog. I hope no-one gets the wrong idea - I'm definitely not anti working-mum (or dad, I am one) and I agree with your point that these people or groups who define themselves as 'mums in business' can denigrate their own achievements and, as a result, others' too.

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  3. Hello yes hi there. I followed a link from a friend to read this.
    I didn't even know this was something that I needed to articulate. Thank you. It really is true.
    There is no facebook group for me. At 37, I am not a mum. I run my own business. It used to be from home, but it got a bit big and so I moved it to a local loft. A cold loft. It's very romantic.
    Anyway, yeah, I am not a mum, and boy do I know it. The whole of the internet isn't interested in me. I think I am seen as cheating in business as a woman because I don't have to juggle kids and work. This makes so many of the mums angry (and makes them better and superior to me). But if they knew why I don't have kids, they would feel like a pack of *****, seriously. Which brings me to one of the reasons the mum squad is so dangerous.
    No one can know why another woman might not have kids on first glance. You can't assume it's because they don't want them or don't like them, and it is really ignorant to do so. And alienating. And small minded.
    I don't want pity, though, so I generally keep my trap shut about it and get on with earning an income. And yes, I get to concentrate on my business and it is doing well because of that. But I wish that didn't make all the mums so angry, because I would love to be forgiving myself for dropping a ball at work because I was wiping my three-year-old's nose.
    But anyway, yeah, the exclusion exists. The mum club exists. All over the Internet, permeating every corner of it. Women validating themselves through their children (working woman and full time mums alike), and making women without children feel less.
    God only knows what the poor men must think of this, or the effect it is having on them in life and business.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Diana, for such honest words. We're glad you could relate to the blog. I never really set out to address this issue, it just kind of happened.

      There's another side to the mums in business thing that gets overlooked, is that often those non-mums (or dads) are working a regular full-time job as well as trying to start up their own business. They don't have the luxury of a few hours a day at home, while the kids are at school, in which to indulge their passions or interests.

      If anything, it's easier for non-working parents to start up businesses, because they have more free time to do it!

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  4. Hear Hear!
    I don't have kids and that makes me no less or more special than any other person (woman) running a business.The quality of work I produce and the service I provide should be the only consideration for being recognised as a businesswoman, not the number of school runs I do!

    Diana Parkhouse I hear you!

    So who is starting this facebook group then? ;-)

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    1. I think if I, as a man, start it, I'll be open to all kinds of abuse...

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  5. Very well put... and yes, Jack, I am a woman ;-)

    I don't mind that mums are running businesses, what I do mind is the attitude of some that they have some sort of right to close ranks and exclude - it feels so discriminatory. If I don't mind that they're a Mum, why do they mind that I am not?

    I am finding that while I once was happy to support mums trying to run businesses, I now tend to avoid those that are clique-y (and rude with it).

    Hey-ho, their loss!

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  6. I have to agree with you. I do happen to be a mum in business, but that is a label I was given, I did not go looking for it. It also happens that my business came about because of my daughter, but that's not the point here. Before I was a mum, I was a step-mum, just like your Laura. It was a very lonely place & a total no man's land. I don't have a problem with mothers running businesses (or trying to) but I totally agree with your comments on what some of their work looks like. I see it regularly on the craft forums & it makes me cringe. I also agree with Lisa about the attitude and cliqueness that goes with it. It is not something that I aspire to or approve of. I am a member of a mums in business group that, thankfully, is the exception, not the rule. I do hope this article is widely shared & that the guilty take note. I am successful because I am good at what I do, not because I am a mum

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  7. So the mums don't like it, the non-mums don't like it. Who does like it? The owners of mumsnet?

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  8. Bit late to be joining in, but....
    I’m a man in a workshop who paints furniture but only after manly carpentry skills have been applied to said piece. I suppose, after over 10 years of doing this, and a company turnover of over £150,000 a year, that must amount to a lot of furniture. Perhaps pro rata there are fewer men doing more work (i.e. full time) and more women doing part-time work?
    I have a female helper called Olive who, to be honest, is hopeless at painting and generally runs away at the first sign of a paintbrush, but she is a Labrador so this is only fair.
    My main concern with painted furniture is not so much who does it, but why…. I think many ‘entrepreneurs’ out there attempt to take a rubbish bit of furniture, paint it, distress it and call it ‘shabby chic’ in an attempt to raise its value. Sadly, all you end up with is a rubbish piece of furniture that now has paint on it.

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